Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.