Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.