He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.