dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
