I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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