you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
