I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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