All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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