So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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