I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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