I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
