dude i'm inner monologue high
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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