i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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