Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
