eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The adults are the big ones right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize