there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
