girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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