And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
foreskin is a definite game changer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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