Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
