it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???