Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.