Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.