I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE