I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.