if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride