His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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