Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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