That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize