you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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