So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at about main and main street
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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