There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
