I've blown a few things in my day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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