also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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