ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize