Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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