He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
