you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
