yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Non-Jews are for practice
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.