I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly