I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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