You're my little dorito
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
