I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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