omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize