Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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