very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex on a dog bed..