I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.