and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast