I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?