I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.