is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?