Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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