He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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