i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she peed on how many people?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
