would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The air taste purple.
Randomize
