Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
