My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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