are you still at the devil's house?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
