so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
