I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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