Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
too bad you live with your parents still
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
50% drunk capacity currently
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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