I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize