So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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