dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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